October 2009
132 posts
On oxytocin.
I’m 18. I have had many experiences where I could have lost my virginity, but I haven’t yet because I am absolutely terrified of becoming emotionally attached to the guy. I don’t want this “connection” everyone talks about. I just want to get fucked. How can I lose my virginity without this happening?
Oh my god, who is filling your head with this ridiculous bullshit?...
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On it not being a big deal.
I’m 21 years old and I haven’t had sex since my high school prom. If you want to skip the mental math that’s over 3 years. I’ve only ever slept with one person and I’ve just never been very confident sexually. Despite being pretty cute and having plenty of opportunities to get laid, I’ve never followed through. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex,...
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On magic words.
So I was watching TV this afternoon, and this show had a segment on dating. Apparently saying just three words can get you any guy. “Your so hot”. They did a social experiemnt and everything, and it seemed quite convincing. What do you think?
It was a dating segment on the Tyra Show, not a clinical trial in behavioral psychology. Please stop letting daytime television convince you of...
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On staying dumped.
So I was in a relationship for about a year. I had stuck by his side through his depression, with him cheating twice while we were together and then putting up with his drug abuse. I even lost my virginity to this guy. After it all, he broke up with me because I was too negative and what not but for the 5 months we’ve been apart, he’s told me he still loves me and that he misses me but...
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On blow jobs.
Is it ever acceptable to use the phrase “you’re too big” or is it just a shitty excuse for a job poorly done? I consider myself to be at least halfway sexually adept but I’m no porn star. How can I still maximize his pleasure without getting my throat fucked raw multiple times a week?
Once upon a time, a blow job was a rare and special gift reserved for birthdays and...
On white trash.
I have my girlfriend, we’ve being in this relationship for almost 6 years! My mom’s a shrink and she was her former patient. I started banging her when she was about 2 months pregnant .
She now has an adorable 5 year old kid and she is 21 years old. The thing is that I’ve cheated on her so many times with so many women I stopped counting after 10 women. STDs isn’t a problem because...
On falling out of love.
I was considering asking you a question such as the one on “unrequited love,” but since that’s been done I’m going to ask something that stems off of that: how does one in this situation fall OUT of love?
I am in the same situation (in love with a boy for years, blah blah blah) and although I have hooked up with others and tried going into actual relationships in hopes of...
On breaking up with a fuck buddy.
I’ve been fucking this guy who’s a lot older than me. He’s a great fuck buddy and all (he was my first casual sex experience) but there’s also this guy I’ve been long-term flirting with and have real feelings for and am about to start an actual relationship with. So what’s the best way to say goodbye to my fuck buddy? I don’t want it to have to end like...
On getting some no-joke therapy.
Ok, so I have this Friend, who is 20 years older than me, and I’ve known him for a year, and we’ve always been cool. He has not once made a move on me or said anything to make me feel uncomfortable. I like hanging out with him because we laugh A LOT together.
Friday (3 days ago) we went out, to a bar and then a club, and drank and danced and i had an amazing night. There was no dirty...
On summer love.
I used to be a secure, happy, not to mention flirty girl. Over the summer, I met the perfect guy who was crazy for me; I screwed things up, he moved on (literally, he packed up and went to a school two hours away) and hasn’t talked to me since. I think I love him. Missing him has been affecting my life is terrible ways, I tried dating others and it doesn’t work. What the hell do I do?...
On cleansing.
I know they’re probably not all that good for you, but please tell me you know of a decent cleanse? I don’t care if I lose weight, I just feel bloated and gross and I don’t trust cleanse websites to not lie about results and what to expect. I’ve never done one before and I don’t want to feel shitty for a week. I just want to feel like my body isn’t clogged with...
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On dream jobs.
Is it worth it if attaining your dream job means sacrificing the opportunity to save the relationship with the person you love?
Subtext: Rocky relationship where there is intense love for each other still. Took some time off for ourselves. I moved abroad while he stayed in the states. I was just offered a job where I could make big money, but that would mean living here permanently, ergo not...
On just doing it. Literally.
I feel like there’s a few things I could be asking you, but let’s not get into a whole life story here. I don’t know, I’m like, well into being too old for this shit, but I don’t really know what I even want. I’m pretty terrified of dating, fucking, generally anything out of what I know. Last year I decided I was asexual, except now I think that’s probably...
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On hyperbole.
I cheated with two random guys, he fucked his ex girlfriend in the bed right next to mine. It’s been one month and this is our relationship. He claims mine is the bigger fuck up and yet he continues to hang out with his ex-girlfriend. I don’t think I’m strong enough to let him dump me and move on. I want to beg for him back. He is the best and only thing that has ever happened to...
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On why the hell not.
I used to think “hey, you’re a grown up; I’m a grown up, we both want to, why the hell not”. Which is totally fine for one night stands but somehow undermines longer relationships. I’m starting a new one with someone who I actually went out on a date with first off and I don’t want to fuck it up just yet. How novel.
So, straight up, what’s your timeline...
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On overthinking bisexuality.
Listen,
I’ve realized that my insecurities have made me selfish, and in turn, I’ve lost the person I love.
I have a lot of growing up to do. I’ve had 2 failed long term relationships, one with a girl the other with a guy. The time for college experimentation is up I guess, and I feel like the only result I’ve achieved is putting myself in a sexuality headlock. I’m a...
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On getting more head.
How do I get my boyfriend to go down on me more often? I keep a clean, smooth shop, the sex is great, and I am more than willing to reciprocate the action. He claims to just “not be in the mood” to give me head, but come on, if I’m willing to swallow some cock I’d better be on the receiving end of a hyperactive tongue.
Kindly inform him that a man’s tongue will spend...
On long-distance relations.
I’ve been together with my boyfriend for about 3 months, I guess not very long, but that’s just the way it is- it had been coming for a couple of months before we actually ‘got together’. Everything is great together, and I love him to bits. He’s not just my lover, but also my best friend, I can talk to him about anything, and I trust him.
The only problem is that in...
On asking the wrong girl for advice.
I’ve been seeing this chick for several months now. Great girl in every capacity, I’m extremely happy. With that said, for all intents and purposes, I’ve seen and fucked pretty much everything in the past several years and while it’s slowed down since I’ve started seeing her more seriously, it surely hasn’t stopped. The experience of seeing other girls has...
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On internet porn.
I’m engaged and I love my dude, but I’m pretty sure he’s addicted to porn. I know, it sounds fucking stupid, but there’s no other explanation for what’s going on. I’ll wake up in the morning and leave our room to get some water or make lunch for later and he’ll be on his computer. As soon as he realizes that I’m in the room, he starts typing quickly...
On friends who rat.
Sometimes I just want to bitchslap every single one of my friends, and I mean that. I really do. Apparently, being friends with me means that we’re “all in this together.” Including working at the same place and being in the same school clubs. I can’t have any privacy.
I signed up for a club at school that I was genuinely interested in/I could go to blazed without getting...
On asking for help.
I have bulimia. I know I do, and I know I have a problem. I’ve had this problem since I was thirteen, and I’m seventeen now. The thing is, I think that I’d actually like some help. I don’t like the way I feel right now, and I hate hating myself, if that makes sense. The thing is, I’m afraid of what may happen if I admit that I have an eating disorder. Will I get sent...
On thinking outside her box.
so I hung out with this guy who I like’s girlfriend (with him) and something happened worse then her being a bitch. We had an alpha female moment in the beginning (aka she stared me down for a moment) But, she was really nice to me and complimented my eyes. Wanted to hate her damn it. Anyway, now that I can’t…ahem…morally…ahem… swoop in and steal him, should I...
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On teenage sweethearts.
I’ve been in a relationship for four years off-and-on with the same guy. How practical would it be to move in together? Both of us have steady jobs, he’s already moved out with room mates at the moment, but I’m still living with my parents so that I can save up more money for the possibility of us taking things to the next level.
Red flag number one: “four years”
...
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On not being a doormat.
Are there any tips you can give a girl on how to be less of a doormat? I let people walk all the fuck over me, and I have pretty much my whole life. I know the response I’m going to get is probably something like “Well cut it out, tell people to fuck off.” I know it should just be as simple as that but it’s really just never been that easy for me. And if that’s really...
On just doing it.
It has literally been over 12 months since I last had sex. Right now I’m contemplating ruining my friendships by having sex with them at a party and then having shit get awkward and whatever. So far as I can see it’s either that or continue my steady diet of abstinence. What should I do?
Is is really so hard to fuck a stranger? Quit acting like your married and go have some filthy,...
On unrequited love.
So I have been completely in love with this kid for years. After a while, we eventually have become best friends. We have almost dated a few different times now, but it’s an incredibly complicated situation, so it’s never really worked out. We both care for each other very much is what I’m really getting at I guess. Regardless of us being within the title of “best...
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On religious people always managing to fuck things...
hey bitch! What’s your take on religion and would you consider yourself a religious whore or a spiritual being?
Wow. You know how in movies when an awkward dad tries to sound hip for his teenage kids by using their slang in some wildly inappropriate way that makes everyone cringe?
That’s pretty much what’s happening here.
A quick lesson: when using the word...
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On hitting on me.
I kind of have a crush on you, and not just because my tumblr dashboard tells me I do. You seem like an interesting, confident, forthright woman of the sort I should be associating with more frequently, which leads me to two questions:
a) are you like this all the time, or does your online persona (with the benefit of anonymity) differ significantly from the person I might pass on the way to the...
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On the painfully obvious.
how do i get invited to more parties?
Be friends with people who throw parties.
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On getting ahead of yourself.
Recently a relationship between me, a 15 year old, and this guy I met over the summer, who was 21, ended. We never actually did anything sexual or physical, seeing as he kept reminding me that i “was 15”. (Yea no fucking shit) But all summer we flirted and texted and talked on the phone and he, once in awhile, would talk about how nice it would be to kiss me. He has a tendency to...
On why we're here.
What, the fuck, are we doing here? i mean honestly…
I thing Vonnegut got it right. He said we’re here on Earth to fart around, and not to let anybody tell you different.
On blood loss.
so. i had been hooking up with this guy for like a month..nothing serious- just friends who live a street apart with a physical attraction and no strings. awesome, right? ya, shit WAS awesome- until i got my rag in his fucking bed one morning. i understand its disgusting and grossly misunderstood by guys, but he clipped me. nothing- no phone calls, no texts…nothing. i took his sheets home,...
On internet boyfriends.
I have a friend who is in a relationship with someone on the internet. I wouldn’t even call it a relationship- but she does. They have never met, because he lives in another country. I feel like she’s getting too attached to an idea of the “perfect guy” not realizing that this man (if he even is a man) is just letting her see what he wants her to see. She makes him videos...
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On not doing your dealer.
Yo, so my dealer wants to fuck me, badly. I’m not into him at all, which usually wouldn’t be the biggest problem, but I really don’t want to fuck up our business relationship: he gets pretty phenom stuff and sells to me at discounted prices because we’ve known each other for a while. We made out once three years ago, he went all Fatal Attraction on me and I realized he wanted it to turn into a...
On helping a grieving friend.
my best friend’s girlfriend just passed away. she was a great person, everybody loved her. we’re all having a hard time dealing with it but he’s practically catatonic, which is understandable, but it’s been two months and he’s still in shock. is there any way possible to get him to at least get out of his apartment?
If he’s been holed up for two months, step...
On rebounding.
I’m not sure if rebounding is ever a good idea, but, I have the opportunity and I want to take it.
I fell head over heels for this guy, absolutely perfect, blah blah blah. Don’t want to bore you because you already know it obviously didn’t work out, which is my fault. I tried to win him back but I guess I fucked up way too much. Anyway, new guy is alright, he’s into me....
On acid.
What are your thoughts on LSD? Despite my severe PTSD I indulge myself in usually 4 hits maybe every other weekend. I understand this is kind of a big dose compared to the threshold of my contemporaries (mind you, I am a girl of 17) and do you think dropping acid all the time will be malevolent towards my already shaky mental health? On a sidenote— I have always dealt my trips calmly and...
On nothing in particular.
OK, so I am underage and ACCIDENTLY found myself in a semi-innapropriate relationship with a guy who is 21. We flirted all summer, he made MANY allusions to physical contact, visited me at 2 AM, and constantly flattered me, we made it a point to talk to each other every day. Then I, being the blunt person I am and having an inability to keep my mouth shut, told him how I felt. He proceeded to tell...
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On attention whores.
My roommate is such an attention whore. I’m an easy going gal, and anytime I bring any of my friends over to the room, she has to turn up the volume on her personality. She won’t shut up, she’ll interrupt me with squeals from the other side of the room, just to get everyone’s attention. It never bothered me, but she just does it ALL THE TIME. It kind of makes me afraid to...
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On threesomes with couples.
My girlfriend wants us to have a threesome, and having a penis, I have no problem with this. We have no issues getting girls to hang out with us, but is there a way to bring up having a threesome without scaring the other girl off (which has happened before)?
It’s pretty simple. Don’t be creepy, shut the fuck up, and let your girl do the talking. If it’s her idea, then...
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On marking territory.
I’m throwing a housewarming next weekend. The guy I’m casually seeing, my ex and my fuck buddy are all coming. Should I give the ex and fuck buddy some sort of warning that I’m seeing someone new? Or am I making too big a deal out of it and the guys won’t care anyway?
I don’t care how cool your boys are or how much warning you give, the reptilian part of their brains...
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On a girlfriend in the wings.
I met this guy three weeks ago and he’s really great: kind, great in bed, attentive… and he has a girlfriend. WELL, it’s more complicated than that. He dated a girl that graduated from our school last year and she high-tailed it to another country and will be there until February. Thus, they’re in an “open relationship” until then. Should I drop this guy ASAP? I...
On obama's peace prize.
So: Obama and the Nobel Peace Prize award. Any thoughts?
In the delicate language of international diplomacy, Sweden basically said to Obama, “Go ahead. End a war, motherfucker. We double-dog dare you.”
Thing is, I totally think Obama will step up and make the peace prize his bitch. He’s got a buffet of ridiculous wars that he could stop just by laying his dick on the table.
I...
On taking a chill pill. Literally.
In your reply to the man who is worried for his girlfriend who has recently started smoking opium, I was offended to see this in your answer: “…bipolar junkie who will fill your life with misery and chaos right up until the day that you cut her out of it.”
The point is she’s a junkie, not that she’s bipolar. Her bipolar disorder could be managed if she were to take...
On ex-girlfriend residue.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about eight months, and I’m definitely serious about it, he says he is too.
But around a month ago he said that he’s been missing his ex-girlfriend. Of course I freaked the fuck out, but he said he had no intention of breaking up with me cause he likes me and cares about me and wants it to work out.
He said to give him some time to sort out his...
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On growing a pair.
My fiancee just started to smoke opium just the other night. Before she could even finish telling me about it I found myself worried. I don’t know her reasons for wanting to smoke opium other then trying to escape her own reality. I love her beyond love if such a thing is possible. I will also tell you that she has been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder. When she gets mad she gets real mad,...
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On giving lessons.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He is extremely articulate, worldly, shares my strange sense of humor, love of illicit substances, outstandingly compatable tastes in literature/art/music, is an amazing artist on his way to grad school, kind and gentle, treats me like a princess, etc, and a well endowed, adorable Jewish boy. But he doesn’t know how to use it! Or his tongue. Or...
On plastic surgery.
I have been thinking about getting a boob job for a few years… what’s your opinion on plastic surgery?
As long as you’re making an emotionally healthy decision and not putting it on a credit card, I’m all for plastic surgery.
Be sure to do your research on all the various procedures and the doctors in your area. Shop around. Pick your three favorite board certified...
On classic hook-up errors.
I hooked up with my best guy friend last night because I was wasted and the guy I was seeing this summer and who I share a pretty special bond with found out… is that bad? It’s been a month since I’ve seen both of them cause of university and I feel like I fucked up hard. Yeah, that’s bad. Ruining your favorite romantic and a platonic relationships with one drunken hook-up...