March 2010
63 posts
1 tag
On another crazy bitch.
I’m a boyfriend poacher.
I have this really shitty habit of enticing other girls boyfriends. I know that I don’t actually like them. I’ve had them leave their girlfriend’s for me and I’m suddenly not interested.
It’s simply the chase I dig, not the actual guy. Even with single guys. Once the chase is over I couldn’t be more disinterested even when I try...
2 tags
On spanking it to porn.
I used to masturbate to porn pretty regularly, but I’ve recently been making an effort to stop because of the extreme feelings my long-distance girlfriend harbors about my looking at other women. I’m having some trouble totally kicking the habit, though, and it sucks that a few minutes of horniness and no girlfriend nearby can lead to an hour or two of having to listen to her get...
2 tags
On self-reflexivity.
Do you ever get questions that are a little less shallow? Before I explain what I mean I just want to say that I’m not a hater. In fact, this is probably my favorite blog to read.
But sometimes it gets a little repetitive. Dumb people in relationships and dumb people who don’t know how to have sex. That’s about it, over and over again.
I mean, if that’s all you ever get...
1 tag
On happily ever after.
my boyfriend and i have been dating for just over four years now and i love him more than anything in the world. The problem is my parents. See he was my first boyfriend and i was his first giflfriend and they are worried that i am just settling and want me to see other people. i get this.. i really do… they are worried i will be trapped in something i dont want but i dont feel stuck, im...
1 tag
On your tan and your respect.
im gay and ive been dating my boyfriend for ten months now. we broke up like a week ago. why? because i went tanning!!! who in their right mind does that? weve always had a disfunctional relationship, but i really did love him. even pasyt the physical fights and petty little arguements. the sad part about all of this, is tht he cheated on me and i forgave him, but he breaks up with me because of a...
1 tag
On being just an asshole.
To be honest i’m a psychopath. not the type that kills people but the type that doesn’t care about anything. ever. i’ve known i was different from everyone else since i could remember. it’s just that now i’m in the stage of my life where friends have married off and and have had kids and such. Many of them have asked me why i haven’t found anyone and i’d...
1 tag
On tattoo sex.
What is it like to sleep with someone who has large tattoos on their body? Is it different? Is it distracting?
Oh hey, Sandra Bullock. Yeah, these thoughts aren’t healthy for you right now.
Seriously, don’t dwell on your biker husband’s year long love affair with a tattoo model. I’m sure their sex wasn’t at all creative, deviant, or athletic.
It’s best if you...
1 tag
On fantasy vs reality.
When I masturbate, I often think about going down on my boyfriend. When i’m actually with him, though, the thought of it disgusts me and I can’t do it. He knows I don’t want to and says he doesn’t care (I trust him, but this is a sensitive area because i’ve actually had to dump an ex because of the same issue, so i’m not positive he doesn’t mind) but I...
1 tag
On irony.
Are you ever going to answer one of my questions?
Yes.
1 tag
On college experimentation.
I’m in a bit of a predicament at the moment. Let me lay out my situation for you. My parents are good catholics, they go to church every Sunday, read the bible, etc. They are also the type of people who work out on a regular basis.
I am a college freshman, and love to party, drink, smoke, and generally be up to no good. My parents have no idea I do any of this, because in high school, and...
On finding yourself in an affair.
I’ve been “dating” this guy for a couple weeks casually. It’s more like we get together for dinner and then fuck like rabbits, but I have absolutely no problem with that. He’s a no strings kind of guy that’s still genuine and fun to hang around/party with. It’s kind of the perfect “relationship” for me. Then, the other day, he forgot to take...
On pointing to the gym.
I want my boyfriend to lose weight. He’s 230 pounds, 5 foot 10 inches, and heavier than his father. He isn’t muscular, so his weight isn’t muscle. I would never tell him that, because I don’t want to hurt his feelings (in fact, I tell him he looks fine to me). He says probably twice a week or more that he needs to lose weight and/or go to the gym and work out, but that just...
1 tag
On more fun sized advice.
How do you tell a flirt from one who actually likes you? If she licks your balls, she actually likes you.
I masturbate everyday. Is that too much? No.
When’s the best time to make a move? The second before you start wondering whether you should.
sex now or later? Now.
Coke or Pepsi? Fresca.
mac or pc? Buy me an iPad and I’ll tell.
How do i go about getting into the coke business?...
On sneaking to the doctor.
How do I tell my mom that I want to start going to the Gynecologist? She’s really strict and I know she’d fucking kill me if she knew I was “sexually active”. I’m sixteen, and I could get friend to take me but I’m so nervous about the whole, payment, insurance thing. I once again reiterate, my mom is crazy. She’d slit my throat for even asking. What do I...
On mother-in-law drama.
How do I deal with a meddling, manipulative controlling bitch of a mother-in-law who is trying to ruin our marriage and our lives? We married late in life and this woman has made no bones about the fact that I’m here to work my ass off to support her son so he can do whatever she wants him to do and screw me if I don’t like it. My darling husband doesn’t have the balls to tell...
On going your separate ways.
I’ve stopped taking relationship advice from my friends since they’ve all become cynics as of late. I’m in need of some sort of direction here.
My boyfriend and I have been together 20 months. After our graduation this spring, we will be taking two very different paths in our lives. I’m heading off to college and he is enlisting in the Air Force.
Although I have no doubt...
1 tag
On acting like a child.
I was in a relationship with a guy for four years. In that amount of time, he cheated on me more times than God could count, missed two of my birthdays for reasons other than being legitimately busy, chose drugs over me on several occasions, broke up with me to date another girl for a month before he decided she was too much of a cunt, yet still somehow treated me like a princess and turned me...
On experimenting with blow.
decided to try coke for the first time. done my research and everything, but my main sources have been erowid.com and teenage boys who say i will feel like ‘king shit’. im pretty much looking for any advice or vital things i should know beforehand.
Okay, listen up. If you want people to take your research seriously, never cite teenage boys as a source.
How old are you, by the way?...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
How do I deal with homophobic religious people? The same way you deal with other retarded people.
im 14 and pregnant my bfs 15 what should i do? Get an abortion, like yesterday.
Why is everything so boring? Because you are so boring.
Why am I not dead? Don’t worry. You will be.
What does it take for me to get him back? Nothing but your dignity.
What are your all-time favourite...
On the ex-girlfriend stash.
I’m dating a 28 year old who kept all of his ex girlfriends weird-ass sex toys in a dresser drawer after 4 months of being apart. Do you think he’s just lazy or waiting for her to come back so they can have some kinkysexytimes?
Relax, sweetie.
All single guys have a drawer in their closet filled with ex-girlfriend shit. It’s a universal truth, just like all guys have a bedside...
1 tag
On steps you can't skip.
I am a university student, and am in a relationship formed around mixed signals. This is mainly my fault. It started with a drunken one-night stand, and for a while we were both acting pretty tough and like there weren’t any feelings involved. I care for the guy and am crazy about him etc etc, but we both are keeping one eye on the door, just in case. I mean, “i love you” gets...
1 tag
On how to beat an xbox.
How does a girl compete with the XBox 360?
My boyfriend ignores me all the time. We get home from work and he immediately heads for the couch and stays on it long after I go to bed.
We had a daughter about 2 years ago, so in the beginning my libido was none existent, but that’s changed. I’m back in my size 2 jeans, you can barley see any stretch marks and I’m not ugly.
I try...
2 tags
On why you even bother.
First, I’m going to say what everyone says: you’re great and I need an honest opinion, no holds barred. I was in a very long term relationship that ended a couple years ago. I’ve never been much of a dater - I’m one of those annoying people who just sort of fell into relationships when I was younger. However, I’ve been trying my best to get myself out there and meet...
1 tag
On playing vs being.
I’d appreciate it if you could elaborate on your perspective on playing/being hard to get.
To quote you, you say that playing hard to get works on boys, being hard to get works on men, but you always draw a distinction between being hard to get and impossible to get.
1) What practical difference is there between consciously holding back to stoke interest in a lover, and unconsciously...
On a quick slap.
First of all, you’re hilarious. I read every single one of your posts in the last two days and laughed my ass off to each. You cock slap everyone in the face and they all walk away wounded and I fucking love it. It’s now time for you to slap me in the face with some real advice and please slap me hard. My ex boyfriend, and also the guy that I lost my virginity to, has been back in the...
1 tag
On the teens of today.
What are your feelings on the sex crazed culture facing the teens of today?
1. I don’t accept your premise that our culture is sex crazed, nor that sexuality in general is something that must be “faced” in any adversarial way.
2. Fuck the teens of today. They’ve got it great. Anybody who thinks otherwise doesn’t understand the cyclical nature of society.
1 tag
On finding an equal.
I’m early-thirties, single, good-looking, about to become fairly wealthy from a hot start-up.
I’m trying to break out of my pattern of relationships. Typically I’ll be single for a couple years, some girl that I’m not really into will express some interest and I’ll go on a date to be a good sport, if I’m lonely or desperate I’ll sleep with them and then...
1 tag
On selfish screamers.
I’m a screamer, and nothing is more infuriating than being told my passion is “too loud” and being tossed something to bite on. What do you suggest I do or say the next time he tells me to keep it down?
How about you try being considerate of those around you and just shut the fuck up? You’re waking up the neighbors, bitch. Nobody wants to hear you cum.
2 tags
On grabbing a tiger by the tail.
i’ve been dating a girl for about six months now. we basically live together, the sex is great, and i generally enjoy her company. Thing is, we never really had that “talk” that most relationships i’ve been in have started with. you know, the adult version of “wanna go steady.” We’ve talked about not having it, though, and both of us are kind of more...
On locking your door.
My roommate\landlord walked in on me masturbating…then ran out of the house in shock. She is extremely conservative; I know her religion forbids masturbation. I am terrified she will kick me out. I am a student in a new town with no place to go. I want to apologize to her but don’t know how to bring up the topic when she comes back or even what to say. I am really scared and...
On online dating sites.
All my male friends are on eHarmony. So I, a female, decided to sign up after leaving my ex. Do you honestly think people can fall in love with someone they met online? It feels so unnatural. Like I’m picking out my dog based on pictures and carefully scripted “About Me’s.”
Sure. People can fall in love with someone they meet online. Haven’t you seen all those shitty...
On when not to be a lady.
So I always thought I was pretty open when it comes to sex, I’ve always been able to tell whoever I’m fucking how I like it and what I want. However I’ve been with this amazing guy for four months and he told me he thinks I’m closed off about sex. I was pretty bummed out that he thinks of me like that, as I’ve always been proud of myself as someone who’s proud...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
How do I get into acting? Come out to LA and treat your life like a lottery ticket.
Where do you live? In the shade on the west side of paradise.
Did your parents love you? Very, very much.
How do I follow you? Click here and here.
How can I be like you? Wait, no. Just following me is fine.
Our periods are in sync! Okay, now it’s getting creepy.
What’s worse: Marriage or...
On setting your biological clock.
My boyfriend and I have been happily together for 5 years. We’re in our early 30’s. I want kids one day and he doesn’t have that desire. He said maybe that could change down the line, but he doesn’t know. I’m curious about your take on this - Enjoy our kick ass relationship and hope / wait? Or break up with him and find a partner who wants kids?
Yeah. Tough spot.
...
1 tag
On being young and stupid.
How young do you consider too young to lose your virginity? I am 14, and recently had sex with my boyfriend of about two months. We were smart about it, and I have legitimate feelings for the guy. I don’t regret it at all. Do I even need to pay attention when people get on to me for “being young and stupid”?
Too young? It really depends. Could be thirteen. Could be eighteen. Age...
1 tag
On being a prostitute.
What kind of person can handle being a prostitute? I know you’ve gotten a lot of questions on prostitution, but I really want to know what it takes. Can you ever desensitize yourself enough to really treat it like any other job and keep your self respect and sex life going in at home? I feel like in theory someone could but in reality there’s no way they wont come out damaged....
2 tags
On cheating.
What exactly do you classify as cheating?
Willfully participating or conspiring to participate in an act of intimacy with the foreknowledge that your partner would reasonably consider that act to be a breach of the mutually understood and agreed upon terms of the relationship.
On trusting my math.
My 32 year old friend just asked me how I would feel about him dating a 21 year old classmate. Keeping in mind that I’ve never met this person, I was honest with him and said that I think the age difference is too big. My opinion is that they are in two different chapters of their lives, not to mention there is a difference in maturity levels. Plus, I have a 20 year old sister and if she...
On answering delicately.
I know I’m being a total skag for this, but was the professor you slept with married? Note to self: maybe don’t ask questions in the future that you acknowledge being an asshole for asking.
Still…
I don’t participate in infidelity. I won’t have anything to do with cheaters. No woman ever has to worry if I’m sleeping with her man behind her back.
Notice how...
On a breach of intimacy.
So, my tattoo artist has been wanting me to hangout with him lately. The other night he invited me out with him and his friends, everything went well. We ended up going afterwards to a bar and just talking, but well, one thing led to another and we ended up fucking.
I think I’m jumping ahead of myself, cause it’s only been like 2 days but I haven’t talked to him since then.
...
2 tags
On abortion.
I’d really like to know your opinions on abortion.
Personally, I am very pro choice. I think the government and psychotic evangelical christians should keep their laws and opinions off womens bodies.
It frustrates me to no end thinking of how mind-warped and controlling these people are.
I feel that partial birth abortions and having the procedure after a certain amount of time is...
2 tags
On prince charming disease.
first of all, i love this blog. you are absolutely the slap in the face that everyone needs, and i mean that in the best possible way. on that note, slap me in the face. i have a very frustrating tendency to write men off for no specific reason. i enjoy the chase, but once they start actually paying attention to me i get freaked out. they say nice things and i don’t smile, i roll my eyes....
1 tag
On the little things.
I’m sixteen, and I’m not a normal teenager.
I do my homework on time, I’m not a complete ho, I don’t drink, and my parents trust me. I’m not fat, and I’m not disgusting to look at.
But not ONE guy has ever liked me. They look at my friends, but not me. What can I do about it?
Yeah. You are just a normal teenager. Sorry to burst your bubble there, little miss...
1 tag
On daddy issues.
I’m a 22 year old female and I get off on being dominated by older men. Does this mean I have daddy issues?
This is a completely serious question which disturbs me so much I get nauseous from the thought of the two somehow being linked.
Getting off on being dominated by older men doesn’t mean you have daddy issues. Hell, it could just mean you like Sean Connery movies.
I’m...
On the drunk driving thing again.
“Hey Coke Talk Woman. You’re awesome. I really like what you do — even if you turn out to be a fake, your advice and opinions on sex, drugs and a lot of other stuff is pretty rational, well-considered, and fucking hilarious. Likewise, you look like you really considered this topic as well. But, respectfully, I think you’re wrong…”
[Continued. Click here for essdogg’s full...
1 tag
On sugar babies.
Okay, my friend and I (we’re both freshman in college) had this crazy idea one day that we would find Sugar Daddies and that would be the end of all our financial worries. With that, we started on a quest to find them and came across a website that seeks to arrange Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationships. Naively, we didn’t think that Sugar Daddies were all about sex but we have quickly...
On drunk driving.
So, I was reading some of your coketalk blog archives, and some of your old tweets (I’ve got a serious case of insomnia and my netflix instant watch is on the fritz, don’t judge.)
Anyway, I noticed that you seem to occasionally participate in driving while intoxicated, and that floored me because I thought you were a cool chick who knew how to party smart. What gives? What are your thoughts on...
On overweight confidence.
Are you overweight? You are constantly talking about food,and your drive thru choices, and yet NEVER about working out. I am overweight and would like some of your confidance…where do I start?
Nope. Sorry. Not overweight.
I don’t remember ever talking about drive thru choices, but if you say I did, okay. I think what you choose to glean as relevant from my writing speaks more about...
1 tag
On just asking for it.
I just started sleeping with this new guy, and I can’t tell how kinky he is quite yet. I’m the kind of girl that likes a little ass-slapping and hair-pulling. How should I tell him without freaking him out?
Next time you’re fucking, just look over your shoulder, make a little eye contact, and growl, “pull my hair, motherfucker!”
It’s always works for me.
1 tag
On strap-on diplomacy.
Hey there, I’m writing to settle a dispute.
My girlfriend and I (we’re lesbians) have recently considered playing with a strap-on. She mentioned that she had one that she and an ex had bought together, but since my girlfriend paid for it, she kept it. I’m weirded out by using a strap-on she used on another girl! My girlfriend thinks that’s nonsense. What do you think, to...