August 2010
36 posts
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
Why do you follow Sarah Palin’s Twitter if you hate that bitch so much? Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.
Bad time to be hispanic in America, huh? Nope. Despite Fox News, this is the best time to be anything in America.
What makes the world go round? Angular momentum.
How do you feel about BDSM? Owie!
Do you think that being bisexual is selfish? No, being monogamous...
1 tag
On being lovestoned.
I was engaged to a complete ass whipe 3 months ago. We obviously ended it. In that time I’ve been meeting new people and have found someone amazing. Its been only 3 weeks, a very short amount of time, but we’ve dropped the L bomb on each other. Is that too soon, even if we can’t deny that we do love each other?
You’re a fucking child. I mean that in the nicest way, but...
1 tag
On selling your soul.
Should I sell my soul to the corporate machine and go into advertising or should I struggle as a freelance artist and do the art I love?
I hate to break it to you, but the corporate machine stopped buying souls in 2007. You couldn’t sell out now even if you wanted to. You’re pretty much doomed to struggle as a freelance artist no matter what you do, and nobody gives a fuck whether you...
July 2010
40 posts
1 tag
On gay bashing trolls.
I’m a fifteen year old guy, and I recently came out as bisexual at school. Everyone I’ve actually told personally (mostly my friends who are girls, and one or two guys who I thought would be OK with it) have been really supportive. However, as is always the way, it didn’t take long for the homophobes to start flocking in.
They ask me questions on Formspring, and then take great...
1 tag
On a boring marriage.
You’ve probably already had this one (a million times) but I’m annoying and lazy so I’ll ask it anyways. What should I do if I’m bored in my marriage and have two small kids. Wait it out because we’re *both* boring and fat now? or let him know and deal with the consequences?
Wait it out? You’re in a marriage, not a line at the grocery store.
Get your shit...
1 tag
On opening it up.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and I feel more for him than I have ever with anyone in a past relationship. I am bisexual, and he knows that and accepts it and even finds it sexy, so that’s all good, but a lot of the time I find myself missing tits and vaginas to a point where I even consider breaking it off with him. Five weeks ago, my friend who is also...
1 tag
On better schools.
My wife wants to help my step son into getting into a school thats not in our jurisdiction. shes willing to falsify paper work and say we are no longer together and that she lives in an address with her son that does qualify him to go to that school what should i tell her.
Don’t tell her anything. In fact, shut the fuck up and help her. She’s a mother willing to do whatever it takes...
2 tags
On penis size.
From the very beginning you’ve made yourself out to be a straight-shooter with an awesome sense of humor. So, I pose this question: How MUCH does size matter?
Ever met a donkey-cock that flopped in the sack? A tiny guy with the hands (or tongue) of a god? While a guy’s size certainly helps, would you be willing to make an exception if he had other merits?
Gentlemen, please stop...
On keeping the money.
Coketalk! please help. The bank screwed up and I dont know if I should reap the benefits. I exchanged $1,300 US dollars into another country’s currency (cash!), BUT they have neglected to deduct it from my bank account. Its been a week now, and they still haven’t caught it. Do I keep it (I am a broke, unemployed recent graduate hoping to find work overseas) or call them and inform them...
On my consistency.
I do love your posts, Coke Talk, and we’ve had a good run, but I need consistency. The only consistency you’ve shown this relationship is your lack of it. You’re just not putting your heart into this, and that doesn’t work for me. Maybe we can be friends. Have a good one.
I have an idea. Log onto PayPal and send me a large sum of money in exchange for my entertainment...
2 tags
On what comes next.
After a lifetime of feeling bummed out, I recently started taking antidepressants for some real-er reasons than that. A side effect of the medication is I never want to do coke anymore. I read about it before starting the meds and didn’t believe it was going to be true. Now I never want it and when I’m around it, the thought of doing it bores me. So, I don’t. Also, because...
On selling the ring.
I dated this guy for 9 years (engaged for the last 2). At the time he proposed, we were living in different cities because of our careers. After much deliberation, he convinced me to move to the town where he was residing. I’d be lying if I said I was excited to move to this small town, but I was in love and was excited to start my new life with my fiancé. Plus, the cost of living was...
1 tag
On making the best of it.
My mom found out I gave head, and is sending me to an all girls school. What do I do?
Start eating pussy.
On dating older men.
What’s your opinion on relationships with older men? Particularly men 15 years older. Yeah, I really love him, but I wonder if I’m wasting my time because I’m not sure if relationships like this can actually last etc etc. I don’t know whether to follow logic or my heart. Help a girl out.
It really depends on whether you’re eighteen or thirty-eight.
If you follow the...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
Are you team Edward or team Jacob? Kill yourself.
What’s the difference between a libertarian and a conservative? A medical marijuana card.
I have a small penis. What should I do? Stay in shape and make a lot of money.
What do you think of the Illuminati?? Oh, please. I am the fake lashes on the Eye of Providence.
Why are pro-life people being so mean and stupid? That’s how...
1 tag
On ritual and tradition.
I made the jump from agnostic to atheist, which I knew was going to happen, I was just afraid. My friend, who remains quasi-religious claims that I’m hypocritical and irreverent because I still go to church (Catholic) with my grandma. Do I have to write “GOD FREE” across my forehead when I’m with a 75 year old woman who wants to spend time with me? Or is it okay to grin and...
On the arts.
I’m a studio art/art history major and I’m curious about the art scene in LA. Do independent artists become successful very frequently there or is a city such as New York or Chicago more suitable to this career tract?
Plenty of independent artists become successful in Los Angeles. We call them movie stars.
If you wanna be an art star, there is only New York.
1 tag
On a comeback.
I’m throwing a bikini wrestling jell-o pool party in my basement after a concert next weekend. Some bra-burning bitch just left the following comment on the wall of the facebook event page: “simone be beauvoir rolling in her grave.” Give me a comeback. I’m a girl, by the way.
Reply with this:
“Oh, please. Simone de Beauvoir practically invented bikini jello...
1 tag
On go fuck yourself.
I have to say I thoroughly enjoy your blog and hold the same views on almost everything you post. But I completely disagree with your last post about all pro-lifers being religious. It was utter shit. People are pro-life for many other reasons that are fuck all to do with religion. I’m an athiest but I’m also pro-life. If you think I’ve misunderstood your last post, I...
1 tag
On the religion of pro-life.
Not all pro-lifers are religious. Why do you buy into so many stereotypes? You seem so smart otherwise.
Actually, all pro-lifers are religious. They just don’t necessarily know it.
Here, I’ll show you. Make a rational argument that does not have it’s origins in religious doctrine denying women the legal right to choose whether to terminate their pregnancy of a nonviable fetus.
...
On giving for its own sake.
My guy pretty much goes down on me like no tomorrow. It’s like his favorite thing to do. Am I supposed to be returning the favor? He hasn’t asked me to yet.
Come on, babe. He shouldn’t have to ask.
This isn’t about sexual quid pro quo. You don’t owe him blowjobs or anything, but still, why hold back? I say go find him wherever he is right now at this very moment,...
On date rape denial.
I was date raped by a close friend a year ago. Because I don’t display the “usual” symptoms of a rape victim, my boyfriend questions whether it actually happened. (His words, not mine.) How can I make him understand that it really did happen to me and I just don’t want to think about it?
Your boyfriend is using denial as a coping mechanism. It’s easier for him to...
1 tag
On what to say.
I’m pro choice and one of my best friends is pro life. I’m fine with people having their own opinion on things but he takes his too far. He calles me a baby killer and if I ever become pregnant I’ll just abort all my babies.
He thinks he’s being funny and I’ve expressed multiple times that he isn’t but he won’t listen.
How do I get him to stop saying...
1 tag
On vengeance upon thee.
I have a crazy religious nut on my hands. Every day during class, I can’t sit and go through lecture without this guy asking me if I’m worried at all about not being saved by Jesus yet or if I’m ready to embrace the fires of Hell. Now, I’m a religious person of a different faith, but I believe people should be able to practice their faith without having some douche-bag...
2 tags
On balancing the scales.
Regarding your “ethical consumption” post—I agree with you, nothing will ever balance the scales. People are terrified of having to feel guilty about anything, and they’ll use whatever they can to keep on walking around blind to their negative impact on the world and on others. But are you saying that we shouldn’t try to make conscientous decisions about what we buy...
2 tags
On ethical consumption.
You’ve been known to take a drug or two on occasion, and I feel like you’re someone whose behaviours are not lightly criticised by sensible persons. So perhaps you can clear this question up for me.
I wouldn’t buy ivory, eat a whale or wear conflict diamonds, so why am I ok with buying cocaine? Ought one apply the same logic of ethical consumption to drugs? Does one have to take...
1 tag
On commitment issues.
I am 32 and my boyfriend is 28. I am an actress and he is a professional poker player that works at Whole Foods. I am southern, he is from New England. I believe in a higher power, he is an atheist. We couldn’t be more different, yet I find myself making plans with this man. I consider having a life with him and have committed myself to him in a way that I haven’t with any other...
1 tag
On being a groupie.
So I know it sounds bad to say this, but my friend is a big groupie of this band. Like goes to all their shows in a reasonable distance, has plenty of their; tees, posters,etc., she even hooks up with one of them, I would call her obsesed! She convinced me to go with her to see them.
With a weird turn of events, I ended up hooking up with one of them. I dont obsess and I dont even take plesure...
1 tag
On saying i love you.
Is it better to tell someone you love them when they say it or leave them hanging until you feel it?
Come on, people. This is Integrity 101. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you don’t love someone, don’t let them guilt you into saying “I love you” out of some misguided sense of propriety.
You’re not leaving them hanging unless they’re expecting you...
1 tag
On politically correct fashion.
There is apparently controversy about “indie kids” wearing native american head garb because it is “culturally racist,” and the argument has gone as far as comparing the trend to “blackface”.
What are your thoughts on this argument?
No. There is no controversy. I promise. Nobody really gives a fuck what pretty blonde girls wear in the VIP section at Coachella.
Seriously. This is not a thing....
1 tag
On miracles.
If there’s no God or some kind of Higher Power, how do you explain all the plain miracles that happen? People surely don’t start walking for the first time in their lives just because of sheer luck.
Yeah, and fucking magnets, how do they work?
1 tag
On sex with girls.
How do you fuck girls as opposed to guys? I’m just starting to tread in the girl territory now that I’ve realized I’m more bisexual than I thought, but there are obviously different buttons to push and different ways to push them than with guys, and apart from a couple of kisses, I have no sexual experience with girls.
I know you’ve had sex with girls and you seem...
1 tag
On disappointment.
Am I being unrealistic in expecting my partner to not disappoint me? I understand problems will arise in any relationship, but when it is a recurring problem and talking about it isn’t creating any solutions, is my only option to leave?
Maybe I’m being foolish, but if there is anybody that could knock me out of it, it would be you Coke Talk.
Are you being unrealistic? Yes....
1 tag
On when to start.
How do I know when I’m ready to have sex for the first time? I know you won’t give me any Seventeen magazine, Disney nonsense, which is why I’m asking specifically you. Let me have it.
Is your decision to become sexually active on your own terms and of your own free will?
Do you recognize and respect the possible consequences, both physical and emotional, of becoming sexually...
On recognizing the pattern.
I am in a very confusing situation. You’re the only one who can figure this out. I’m 33 years old and met an older man (45) through my study group 2 years ago. We are in the same profession and this group meets once a month. Over time, we slowly became really good friends and then a year later, I ended up in his bed.
He initially had lied about not having a girlfriend (when we met)...
1 tag
On cheater's guilt.
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years last November. He hasn’t returned my texts or calls since January.
The bigger story here is that for the last 8 months of our relationship, I was in contact with another guy that I had been with previously. It was pretty serious, to the point that we were physical and said we loved each other and we are now in a relationship. My ex found out about...
On cougar sugar.
so my bf was with a “cougar” before me. he’s 21. she’s in her mid/late 30s. when i got with him after her, he told me there was never a real connection between the two of them and that i had nothing to worry about. she works across the street from him. well, when they were seeing each other, she had cell phones turned on in her name. he had an old crappy one before and she...
1 tag
On lashing out.
I was starting to get involved with this guy a couple weeks back. I felt there was something weird going on, so I asked him about it, he said everything was cool, still I feel the need to mention to him that he shouldn’t fuck with me. He adds me on facebook, it says he’s engaged, his explanation is that he has no computer to fix any of the outdated info, but he’s single. Later I...
1 tag
On more fun sized advice.
How do you feel about Lady Gaga? I’d fuck her.
What are your thoughts on Courtney Love? I wouldn’t fuck her.
Why is Justin Bieber alive? Because you haven’t killed him yet.
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done during sex? My nails.
How do you differentiate between healthy confidence and narcissism? Empathy.
I’m bored with sex. Any suggestions? Fuck more...
On nothing, really.
Is it safe to put a lollipop in my vagina?
It’s three thirty in the god damned morning after a Friday night, so yes, depending on the diameter of the lollipop, feel free to continue your schoolgirl role-play confident in the knowledge that your vagina will not get cavities if you feed it candy.*
You better be fucked up. There is no other excuse for this question.
* If you get a yeast...