December 2011
15 posts
2 tags
On fun-sized advice.
Dear Coquette,
Do you feel there’s any question in the world that can’t be answered? Of course. Some of the deepest and most profound questions can’t possibly be answered at our current stage of evolution. Anyone who says otherwise is peddling a religion.
Can you have adventure while maintaining stability? Is it just a state of mind? Stability is an illusion. Adventure just reminds you.
Why...
On showing up and picking battles.
Dear Coquette,
I’m a freshman junior college student in California’s floundering education system. I’ve done really well so far and I expect good grades after the first semester. My enrollment date is coming up and I found out that there are about 30 classes left, and most likely the worst. I’m going to try to add the best classes I can, but things aren’t looking so great. What other options are...
On letting it go.
Do you believe in the saying, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be”?
Fuck no. That’s just some simple bullshit people who believe in romantic destiny say when they’re going through the bargaining stage after getting dumped.
Nothing about your love life is “meant to be,”...
On a choice.
This is terrible advice…! Marriage takes lots of hard work, but the rewards are incredible. In marriage, there is a cycle of love and respect. When it starts spinning the wrong way (no-love/no-respect), you need to turn it around. It’s a choice.
Someone has been lying to you about the rewards, sweetheart. Put in all the hard work you want, but you’re an idiot if you think suffering through...
1 tag
On an unhappy marriage.
Dear Coquette,
I’m not attracted to my husband anymore. I don’t respect him anymore, either. We’ve been married for four years, we’re in our 20s and we don’t have any kids. I realize that the fire fades, and that it’s hard if not impossible to keep up a rocking sex life consistently and long-term, but I actually feel mild disgust at the prospect of having sex with him. Intimacy is pretty much...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
What’s the best way to end things with a fuck buddy? One last fuck.
How am I supposed to swallow it if it tastes like spoiled milk mixed with rusty nails? Quickly. (In the future, tell him less red meat and more pineapple juice.)
Is fisting creepy and unnatural, or just taboo experimentation? Fisting is when you use your fist. Quit assigning value judgments to consensual sex acts.
Why do...
On christopher hitchens.
Tell me something to stop me crying over this shit. The one fucking author I cared about.
He wasn’t just an author. He was a teacher, our favorite one, equal parts magnificent bastard and magnificent source of enlightenment. We had a personal relationship with his words.
To some of us, Hitch was the father of our intellect. We came of age with him showing us the very best of ourselves —...
On what you're owed.
I am soon to be finishing my degree, and I am in a similar situation as that person whose father makes a lot of money and now has a second family, but didn’t help at all with their education. I don’t feel like I’m owed anything, but I recently found out that he’s been telling our extended family that he has been paying for my education this whole time.
I’ve had to...
On the nice guy.
I’m “the nice guy” that is best friends with girls but never has sex with them. I had two girlfriends in high school for a month each and none since then. Every time I try to hook up with a girl she stops and leaves. I’m shy, so I have a hard time meeting girls. I know I’m my own worst enemy. I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs, and its hard to meet people...
On keeping your soul or your job.
Dear Coquette,
I recently graduated, moved to a new city, and in the interest of, you know, surviving, got a part-time retail job. The problem with this job is that it’s a company that really pushes their credit cards on people. All the managers talk about is how many cards we’ve hoodwinked people into signing up for that day. Also, they keep track of how many cards each employee gets and reward...
1 tag
On your dad's money.
Dear Coquette,
My dad is an idiot. He has three kids, and one stepkid who is significantly younger (comes with marrying someone 10 years your junior). He makes upwards of $300,000 a year. Now I’m living in poverty. I just graduated college and I am $70,000 in debt right off the bat because he didn’t help me with one cent of college. He was far too busy buying boats and multiple cars, not to...
On open break-up season.
My boyfriend and I have had trouble with him lying about the little things, which I called him on and he promised he wouldn’t do anymore. Then there were the girls who flock around him and let’s just say there were some unfortunate circumstances that ended up in our relationship souring for a little while. He made a few changes, but now the girls are back and the lies might be back,...
On north vs south and east vs west.
Dear Coquette,
I live in New York City and I’ve been offered a full-tuition scholarship to Vanderbilt University. I am afraid that if I take this opportunity and attend Vanderbilt, I will not like it. I am a liberal and I believe most Southerners are conservatives. I just don’t want to move there and have a horrible four years of college. What should I do?
Slow your roll, city mouse. Just...
On teenage body issues.
I literally hate my body. I’m eighteen and I’ve been overweight (not seriously, but just slightly) since childhood. The last year or so I lost about twenty pounds but I just can never be happy with where I am. I am a totally average weight now and eat healthy, work out regularly, etc. but I just cannot get over my utter lack of confidence. How the hell do I get over this crap enough to...
On a bit more forgiveness.
Short question: Do you think forgiveness entails prosociality towards the forgiven person, or just a return back to “normal.” Or as normal as it was?
Forgiveness is not the same thing as absolution. A person you’ve forgiven isn’t free from the consequences of their behavior just because you’ve let go of your anger and resentment.
It’s a wonderful thing to...