February 2011
29 posts
On god in philosophy class.
I think questions about God in a freshman philosophy course are completely irrelevant. I know that my professor warps the subject and her lectures are shit, so maybe if someone put a better spin on it, they would at least be more interesting.
Wrong, shithead. Philosophy classes are exactly where questions about god are relevant. That’s the whole fucking point of philosophy.
Debate and...
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On more fun sized advice.
Loving the nail polish on your latest tumblr post. What’s it called? Chanel Le Vernis Khaki Vert Limited Edition
Do you think abortion should be covered by basic healthcare? Of course it should. We’re insane not to make that shit safe, free, and readily available to every last woman in the country.
I am a young man who wants to toughen the fuck up. Any ideas? Um, I dunno, prison?...
On planned parenthood.
Can you write something about the House’s vote to pull funding from Planned Parenthood? As one of the millions of people in this country who have taken advantage of Planned Parenthood’s amazing services, I am outraged. Planned Parenthood spreads awareness across the nation and provides many with life-saving health care that they couldn’t access anywhere else. I, for one,...
On madonna and gaga.
What are your views on Madonna because it seems that you don’t care for lady gaga?
I love Madge, and actually, I think Stefani is incredibly talented. I just wish she’d spend more time crafting quality music instead of grooming her persona. She’s too much sizzle and not enough steak. Madonna earned her icon status over decades. Gaga seems to think it can be done in a year.
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On a hug and a swift kick in the ass.
Dear Coquette,
My husband starting seeing someone else without my knowledge. A few weeks later, his deceit and manipulation led to the decision of divorce. I didn’t know about the girl then — he just started withholding information, being less open, etc. I found out much later that they were seeing each other well before he left. Things didn’t work out between them, to say the least. Cheating is...
On boundaries.
There’s a woman at my office (the receptionist), who’s really attractive (duh, receptionist). In my professional capacity I don’t have much interaction with her but I’d really like to find a way to create some without being another creepy dude making contrived moves(I know that’s what I’m doing, hopefully with less creep). Who knows if we’ll even...
On fucking right back.
how much cock do you suck before you do 2keys of coke of a strangers rock hard cock. also, how does a flat dried up cunt like yourself get a cock hard enough to snort noodles off of, let alone cocaine? i bet its hard, like watching all your friends from the last 200 years write a will whilst you still think you’re young enough to go clubbing like the fuck slut cum whore gorilla ogre vulture...
On remembering.
Small college campus. Ex harasses and insults me over weekend. His girlfriend is spreading shit about me. I feel anxious about leaving my room and generally uncomfortable on campus. Normally I just don’t give a fuck. What is going on?
You’ve just forgotten that no one gives a fuck what your douchebag ex and his latest skank have to say about you.
You’ve also forgotten that you...
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On fun sized advice.
I’m monogamous and I want to mess around. What do I do? Choose.
Please tell me you think George Clooney is hot? Duh.
Are you making money at The Daily? Double duh.
How does that even WORK, getting a paycheck while remaining anonymous? Good lawyers, shell corporations, and an employer willing to play ball.
My boyfriend cheated on me and is now dating the girl he cheated on me with....
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On prince charming disease.
Dear Coquette,
I love my boyfriend in a very warm, comfortable and affectionate way. We are on almost the same page intellectually, and we never fight. Things are pretty much “no complaints” all around. On my end, though, it’s not really a passionate love and never has been. He’s the best guy I’ve ever dated, and I do love him, but there is a small part of me that still wants to hold out for at...
On selling out.
Really? Of all the people to sell out to, you picked Murdoch, evil overlord of the most hated soul-crushing, fact-mangling corporation?
What, you’ve never watched The Simpsons? Never chuckled at Family Guy? Seriously, dude, I’m not over here giving Glenn Beck blowjobs or anything. Rupert Murdoch doesn’t even know my name. Literally.
Besides, hiring my narrow ass and geniuses...
On going pro.
Listen up, all you lovers and fuckers. I’ve got some killer news. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve been tapped to be the advice columnist for The Daily, Rupert Murdoch’s new iPad newspaper.
That’s right. I done sold the fuck out to the man.
I’ll be writing a Wednesday and Sunday column in the Arts & Life section called Dear Coquette that will be every bit...
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On more fun sized advice.
Would you reveal your identity if offered $1,000,000 for it? Feel free to make me an offer and find out.
What gets your furthest in life: Good looks, social skills, or intelligence? Showing up.
Why do you think people feel forever connected to the people they have sex with? Do they? I don’t know. There are almost seven billion people on the planet. I say any reason we have to feel forever...
On being needy.
I have a great relationship that has lasted over a year. He’s a wonderful, intelligent man. The only problem seems to be that he has a hard time complementing me. I think he thinks its awkward, or something. Do I just overlook it, because of all his good traits? He treats me well, and finds other ways to make me feel special, but my ego thinks theres something missing.
Yeah, no....
On valentines.
I’ve got Valentines issues. Normally I brush the day off as the commoditization and cheapening of love with meaningless knickknack gifts. However, I’m currently in a sticky situation with a guy friend. I told him I liked him and asked if he wanted to date, but he wouldn’t give me a straight yes or a no. Ever since then, we’ve become even closer friends that talk constantly and spend a fair bit...
On plan b.
I had a one-night stand last night. I’m not gonna get into details, but there’s a huge chance the condom broke.
I have no money. I don’t know anyone that I can consult about this. I don’t want to get pregnant. I don’t know what to do.
Do what you gotta do.
On the day after.
Please tell me you’re going to let everyone know whether that person who was contemplating suicide ever wrote you back.
There are a lot of us out there hoping for the best.
Yes, she did write me back. Without going into too much detail, she was able to see a psychiatrist the following day. She’s on some new medication, and it seems like she’s okay for now.
Despite being in a...
On not killing yourself.
I called a suicide hot line tonight. It was difficult because the man spoke English as a second language. I hung up after about five minutes because my roommate came home and I didn’t want her to hear the conversation. I’ve been on medication for 10 years and I’ve been hospitalized twice. I’ve experienced happiness, and it’s nice and all, but I’m so sick of...
On using words.
Please express your current emotional state to me with actual words.
Frazzled bananas with a side of bamboozled sauce.
(See? Who needs emoticons when you can do that?)
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On fun sized advice.
How do you keep your shit so together? Are you kidding me? I’m so fucking hungover right now.
I’ve never seen you use emoticons. Do you ever do so? Emoticons are for children and idiots. I’m perfectly capable of expressing my emotional state with actual words.
Eminem: whiny, angry white boy, or inspirational story? Inspirational story for whiny, angry white boys.
Post more,...
On fucking up big time.
I cheated on my boyfriend with my best friend, who is married.
As much as I hated to, I ended it with my boyfriend and I ended it with my best friend. Because what I did was fucked up.
I know I deserve it, but now I really have no one. I’m totally lost. I don’t know what to do.
Find yourself.
You hit the self destruct button on your life. Why? There’s a reason you fucked up...
On feminism.
In what ways does Postmodernism and Multi-cultural/global feminism critique the feminisms of the 1970’s and 1980’s?
Gloria Steinem is one of the baddest bitches ever to walk the earth. Back in the days of hairy bush, she was the cartoon tiger on the cereal box of women’s liberation, and the very fact that I can use that metaphor without irony or disrespect is just a friendly...
On the professional.
My roommate Chris is a legend. He moved in 6 months ago and is someone who I’m sure will be a friend for life.
Problem is, he has this annoying cockatiel. It’s an utterly terrible pet. It makes noises like a car alarm and let’s just say it’s a morning bird. It’s also unfriendly, even to Chris, biting the hand that feeds.
For some reason he loves this bird....
On meth.
So tomorrow I’m suppose to go and try meth with my friend for the first time. The problem is I’ve never really done any sort of drugs like this before (marijuana once). Obviously I’m out of my depth; I was just wondering if you could pass some judgement before I submit myself?
Please, don’t go. I’m not kidding.
Weed, blow, ecstasy, ketamine, whatever. You know...
On being petty.
I fucked my ex, it was hot as hell. He has a new girlfriend. His new girlfriend is his ex girlfriend’s best friend. All I want to do is tell her that he fucked me, and we have photos to prove it. Do I tell?
Wow, for someone so shallow and pathetic, you sure know how to pick a quality guy. Good luck being a cunt.
On bieber fever.
What do you make of the Justin Bieber fad? At first, it’s still acceptable as his bubblegum hits are rather catchy…but not even Lady Gaga has three seperate biographies and a biopic barely a year of entering the industry.
Every generation of tween girls needs a non-threateningly pubescent mop-headed pop sensation on which to compulsively project their budding sexuality, and you...
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On more fun sized advice.
Thoughts on Amber Rose? I think Kanye has excellent taste in men.
Would you really do Make-A-Wish? I actually qualify for a Wish and think it would be cool to meet you. Shit, I’m not gonna say no to a terminally ill teenager. You’d have to be able to keep a secret, though.
How can I deal with rejection better? Never take it personally.
We are becoming a nation of idiots. do you...
On getting a prescription.
Is it worth getting a medical marijuana card? I’m unquestionably eligible, smoke a fair bit of weed, but given how easy and safe it is to find excellent weed in California, I don’t know if it’s worth my very limited student dollars.
Safe? Dude, I know it’s California, but that shit isn’t quite legal just yet. For a hundred bucks, you can have a doctor write you a...
On all you can do.
I recently took my girlfriend’s virginity. Not even 2 minutes after, I called her by someone else’s name while we were talking. For the record, it wasn’t the name of anyone I’ve ever had sex with, dated or even been attracted to (no fantasies, sex dreams,none of it). She’s pissed. What the hell do I do?
Laugh at yourself, because you’re an idiot.