March 2011
23 posts
1 tag
On omitting the truth.
Dear Coquette,
I was talking to my girlfriend the other day and she said that omitted truths are different than lies. She even went as far as saying that omitting truths isn’t wrong.
For example, suppose a friend went into my house while I was away and stole something. If I were to come home and ask him him what he was doing, and he replied “just chillin,” or something of that nature, he...
On ghosts.
My philosophy teacher said if you don’t believe in god but you believe in ghosts, you’re contradicting yourself. I’m pretty sure I’ve had a ghostly encounter but I don’t believe in god. Am I just crazy?
There is no inherent contradiction in believing in ghosts but not god, just like there’s no inherent contradiction in believing in angels but not unicorns....
On my favorite books.
If you mean what you say, Coke Talk should have a companion reading list. What books do you read? Tell us your favorites already!
Okay. Here are some of my favorite books in no particular order:
Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens The first book I ever read.
Matilda, Roald Dahl The second book I ever read. J.K Rowling can’t hold a candle to Roald Dahl’s magic.
A Confederacy of Dunces,...
On hot teen girl-on-girl action.
My friend and I are incredibly close, and have been for over six years. We’re both seventeen. She’s a bisexual female and I’m a bicurious female. We had a very bad patch throughout all of last year where we came close to not speaking, but recently we’ve patched everything up and we seem to be better than ever.
Here’s the hard part. We “dated” at one point...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
Are you shipping your boutique stuff internationally? Us London girls want to rock that! Yeah, I ship across the pond. I love you bitches, but you gotta start contacting me here with boutique questions.
You’re a sell-out. You’re a child.
Would you consider yourself a modern-day Holly Golightly? No. Don’t let Audrey Hepburn distract you. Capote’s character was a gold...
1 tag
On moving out and moving on.
Dear Coquette,
I need to break up with my current boyfriend of three years, but I don’t know how. I live with him, and he moved from a nearby city to live with me while I go to school. He is madly in love with me and I used to be in love with him, but a lot has changed. I had an abortion last May, and decided to move in with him because he was so helpful during the whole situation. I feel,...
On getting unstuck.
I’m 41 and still stuck in a depression from a relationship that ended badly twenty years ago. I rarely get involved with people, and don’t even remember the last time I had sex. I feel stuck. Do you have any advice to unstick me?
Twenty years? Are you kidding me? Come on, now. Andy Dufresne didn’t spend that much time in Shawshank.
Whatever prison you think you’re trapped...
2 tags
On fun sized coquette advice.
Dear Coquette,
What’s the most important quality in a relationship? Mutual respect.
What is the future of the Egypt/Israel peace? Same as it ever was.
Will I get married? Sweetheart, I’m an advice columnist, not a Magic Eight Ball.
What happens financially in 2013? Really? Ugh. “Reply hazy, try again.”
Your an idiot! Well, at least I know the difference between you’re and your.
Do I...
1 tag
On philosophers and fools.
Heartbreak is not inevitable…why are you so bitter? Sure there are hard times but some people who say “forever” mean it. I’m sorry that has not been your experience. Every time I read your articles I end up thinking about you and how miserable your existence must be and what horrible life experiences you must have had. I am so sorry for you!
Sweetheart, I’m not...
On pragmatic romanticism.
Dear Coquette,
I am an educated, independent 29-year-old woman in an amazing relationship. I amsatisfied with my life and proud of the choices I have made. I do not have painful emotional baggage from childhood, and my head is pretty much screwed on straight as far as I can tell.
I’ve been with this guy for a year, and it is the first adult relationship I have ever experienced. By that I...
1 tag
On the drug war.
What are your thoughts on ruthless violence of the drug cartels in Latin America? That shit is almost entirely funded by our greedy demand for and mindless consumption of cocaine. I just spent two weeks down there and got a much better sense of how grave the crisis really is. I’ve now decided to kick the habit and stick to good ol’ California-hippie-grown pot from now on and I think you...
On pointy-headed numnards.
What do you think about those who are saying that the recent natural devastation in Japan is karmic revenge for the bombing of Pearl Harbor?
Well, first let’s all agree that those kind of ignorant fucks don’t have the slightest clue what the concept of karma is actually about. Let’s also not be afraid to describe them as ignorant fucks, because that’s what they are — low...
2 tags
On being a grown-up.
Dear Coquette,
I’m in my mid-20s, but sometimes I fall into the habit of acting far less mature than my age when I’m around other people. It’s something I find myself regretting later on when I’m finally by myself. I feel childish just asking this question, but is this really what it’s like to be a grown-up? Wasn’t I supposed to get married or something?
Yep. This is it.
Welcome to...
1 tag
On profanity.
I find it amusing that you contradict your intelligent outlook on life by using stupid swear words all the time - especially when you’ve said in the past “I’m perfectly capable of expressing my emotional state with actual words.” - which really is the height of unintelligence, particularly when expressing yourself. You remind me of some fourteen-year-olds I went to high school...
1 tag
On drawing a line.
Dear Coquette,
My best friend and my roommate (who is also one of my best friends) started having sex last year. My roommate was cheating on his girlfriend at the time, and my best friend got pissed off when he chose his girlfriend over her. He got pissed off that she read more into their sex than he intended, even though I’m not so sure she did. After the giant explosion of drama that I only...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
I’m a boy and I want to buy some coketalk stuff too! You can, dude. The fuck rings and coke rings come in size 8.5 for all the fellas.
Do you genuinely appreciate hearing from me? Do you REALLY? Fuckin’ love it.
What is the difference between being promiscuous and being slutty? Your vocabulary.
When will it stop hurting? When you quit being a little emo bitch.
i’m hot but i...
On my new boutique.
I just bought some of your shit and I can’t wait to start rockin’ it.
Fuck yeah. Send me pics, bitch. Oh, and for those of you who don’t know, check out the NEIVZ + Coquette capsule collection of cooler-than-fuck handmade jewelry at my new boutique.
On beginnings and endings.
The legal definition of death is the end of brain activity, right? So the definition of life must be the converse - the existence of brain activity. But since brain activity starts fairly early in utero, wouldn’t that render abortion at most stages … murder? I’m just reading “On The Religion Of Pro-Life” and this is an argument against abortion that isn’t about...
On being pretentious.
Why do you call Lady GaGa by her birth name? Are you trying to show us all how smart and informed you are? That you did your research (or just a cursory google search)? It seemed pretentious and annoying.
You know what’s really annoying? When butthurt fangirls use words they don’t understand. For instance, addressing people by their birth name is, quite literally, unpretentious. On...
On processing that shit.
I’m a young woman in my second year of university, and I consider my life fantastic. I’m more than content with my friends, my family, my studies, my drugs, my music. I’ve had shades of depression and rough patches over the years, but these days I’m just generally content. Except for the fact that I can’t have sex.
I lost my virginity at an EXTREMELY young age (you...
On a skanky situation.
I have been sexually involved with a big name in the local club scene for the last four months. About two weeks ago I went to my gynecologist for a check up and was given terrible news: I have herpes. As soon as I received the diagnosis, I met up with my fuck buddy and told him the news and that if he didn’t warn the other girls he was fucking, I would.
One of these said girls used to be a...
2 tags
On painting over rust.
Dear Coquette,
I spent my high school years being a bitter introvert and wasting my time hating girls who had boyfriends, because nobody was attracted to me. But now in my first year of college I’m trying to start my life over. I have a new haircut and wardrobe, I lost 12 pounds, I smile at people, I joined clubs… and it isn’t working.
I don’t know, maybe there’s something I’m still doing...
On classy and trashy.
People constantly quote you for your definition of cheating, but what are your definitions for classy and trashy? You seem classy, but you’ve had life experiences that some of the more narrow minded populace would consider quite the opposite. How do you define those things?
Classy and trashy are objective manifestations of opposing states of mind that exist across a subjective spectrum of...