April 2011
18 posts
On the royal wedding.
Hey, just a quick shout out from a British fan. Today I get the day off work because Prince William is getting married. I know you’re American, but I wondered if you had any views on the royal wedding and all the hype surrounding it. Love the blog, thanks in advance.
How gracious and merciful of your queen to release you from the bonds of your grueling labour on such a glorious day! Oh,...
On international shit talk
Do you think the U.S. population on the whole is less intelligent than other countries? I’m never sure how to respond when I meet someone abroad who stereotypes Americans. Are they right?
Don’t be ridiculous. The U.S. population is not less intelligent. It’s just louder, and the extra volume has a tendency to accentuate the less sophisticated among us. So what? Don’t let a...
1 tag
On seizing the day.
Dear Coquette,
I’m scared of dying. I think about it every day, several times a day. I’ve had several people close to me pass away and ever since I’ve been ruminating about how life is so temporary, and how we are so little and insignificant, and every moment I’m away from the people I love is another moment lost without them. Even when I’m with them, I’m freaking out inside about how I need...
On fuck you.
My girlfriend told me that if I got a lap dance she’d break up with me in the context of a general conversation with friends. I was at the strip club for a bachelor party and a friend bought me a lap dance and I didn’t say no, so it happened. I tried to tell her that it didn’t happen, but I thought it would be better if I just fessed up. It wasn’t but frankly, the guilt...
On weed and a pussy.
Okay, I’ve got a down and dirty drug deal etiquette question. I live in Las Vegas and went and got myself weed legal in Venice Beach. I drive down there every 2 months or so with another friend, we split gas and pick up our “medicine.” We don’t buy it to sell, just personal use. Well, we have another friend that wants to buy off of us or have us pick up for her.
...
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On sleazebags and self-loathing.
Dear Coquette,
I’m engaged to be married to a wonderful man. After a string of unhealthy and abusive relationships, I finally got my act together enough to quit seeking sadists and take up with a total package man who is smart, hot and incredibly good to me. What we have is the real thing. I don’t want to screw it up, for my sake and for my son’s sake, who the wonderful man is now being a...
On a forty-something fuck buddy.
For over a year, I’ve been sleeping with a much older man. We’re not dating, we’re not great friends, we’re just fucking. The sex is fantastic, and he’s a good person, so up until this moment I have been delighted with the situation.
Recently, though, it’s not as much fun. I’ve been trying to figure this out, and I think it’s because I don’t...
1 tag
On a death in his family.
Dear Coquette,
My long-distance boyfriend’s grandfather just passed away.
The funeral will be this weekend and is located about three hours away from where I currently live. He will be there for it. I do not have plans to see him again for two more months, at which time I am supposed to be moving in with him. I volunteered to come and be supportive and yes, get to see him briefly. He...
1 tag
On crazy girls and second chances.
OK, so I love this guy. We have tried dating, but I went crazy on him. More than once. Now he refuses to date me but still insists on hanging out and telling me that he cares and wants me in his life. My friends say he’s a jerk and that I should move on. I simply can’t! Whats a crazy girl to do?!
This right here is the reason I should start my own consulting firm with the mission of helping...
1 tag
On unexamined monogamy.
My girlfriend and I have been together for six months, and it’s a great relationship. She had to travel overseas for three months for work purposes, and I’m stuck at home without enough money to travel. She’s been gone for more than a month already, and it was all fine up until recently.
She was caught out by an overseas friend of mine being kind of flirty in public. Every day for the last...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
I’ve been dating a girl for 2 months and she wont put out. Help. Help what? She doesn’t have to put out. You don’t have to date her.
Any advice for a good girl who wants to become a bad girl? Uh, yeah. It’s pretty much all I do here. Start reading.
My first love is married. My first boyfriend is getting married this weekend. I’m 22. What the fuck. Yeah, no shit....
On your shallow self.
A few weeks ago, my close guy friend and I hooked up under very drunken conditions (it was St. Pat’s, sue me). Now we’ve started hooking up on a regular basis and it seems like it might go in a dating direction. He’s nice and sincere and nerdy and considerate and awesome, I mean I’m friends with him for a reason. On top of that, the sex is fun and great. BUT, in the...
On losing your illusion.
Speaking of losing your sense of direction in life, what’s your advice for a 20-something in those shoes?
I’m a successful, extremely fortunate junior in one of the best schools in the country, and I’m hitting rock fucking bottom. I can’t get out of bed, let alone maintain my academic/professional drive. I have no idea what I want, and no idea how to figure it out.
CT,...
On your first heartbreak.
I’m currently going through my first heart break. And, christ, does it hurt. I’m 18, about to graduate as valedictorian and recently got accepted to my dream school, NYU. Last week I was living in ecstasy, and this week I can’t think of anything worse than getting out of bed in the morning knowing that there’s a 65% chance of seeing my ex (what a fucking awful term,...
On getting shit done.
Do I bluntly tell my persistent, annoying, jackass of an ex-boyfriend of 1 year to fuck off, or do I continue to ignore his confessions of undying love sent via text, internet and late night phone messages? Which would be more effective in preventing me from applying for some kind of restraining order?
Fuck it. Go ahead and apply for the restraining order. Download the form off the internet and...
1 tag
On redneck in-laws.
Dear Coquette,
I’ve been dating a guy for about two years now. We’re both 24.
Anyway, I went back home with him a few weeks ago to spend the weekend with his family for the first time. They’re nice people, but I was immediately struck by what I guess you might call class differences. My house is filled with books, instruments, art, etc. I was raised by two Ph.D.-earned university professors....
1 tag
On more fun sized advice.
Lambskin? What the fuck is wrong with you? Thought you had a moral compass, obviously thought wrong. Yeah. I hope you never develop a latex allergy, bitch. Oh, and do you know what I had for lunch in your honor? A roast lamb French dip with a little onion marmalade and rosemary au jus. Fucking delicious.
What do you think about the idea that it’s unfair to make rich people pay more taxes?...
On what coke talk would do.
coketalk i love you. if you made a WWCTD bracelet i would buy the fuck out of it. just wanted to let you know your writing brings me joy. hope your day is peaches!
You asked for it. You got it.
So yeah, check this shit out. I’ve collaborated with NEIVZ to design a special VIP bracelet for all you lovers and fuckers out there who tell me the first thing they say when dealing with drama...