June 2011
29 posts
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
I’m going to Italy, do you want anything while I’m out? Sure, I’ll take a Maserati GranTurismo Convertible, please.
Any advice for a 14 year old girl? Read books. Ignore all of the magazines. Cultivate your own style. Develop informed opinions about world events. Pick smart boys, and whatever you do, don’t get pregnant. Smile more often. Love yourself.
I started stripping...
May 2011
24 posts
On creepy shit.
If homosexuality cannot be changed, then what do you recommend for other sexual orientations like pedophiles and such? I am not saying homosexuality is as bad as pedophilia, it is just a sexual orientation as is hetero. But if it cannot be changed then do you recommend people with destructive sexual orientations to just live a life of celibacy, self hate and put on a show for everyone else?
Ugh,...
1 tag
On the young and the lonely.
Dear Coquette,
How would you suggest dealing with loneliness?
After graduation, I moved away from my family and where I grew up in Oklahoma to New Haven, Connecticut for work. My job is an amazing opportunity, the likes of which was not available to me back home. Work requires me to put in a lot of hours, which of course, does not leave much free time for socializing.
It has been about a...
On the seven year itch.
Dear Coquette,
I’m 37 and feel like I’m married to the wrong man. He’s a great provider and loves me unconditionally. We don’t have kids yet, but he wants to. Should I risk leaving him to try to find “the one” even though I’m no spring chicken?
You’re 37? Jesus, lady. Put down that Chardonnay-stained copy of “Eat, Pray, Love” and back away slowly because that nonsense has you talking like...
1 tag
On artists and drama queens.
Dear Coquette,
We fight all the time. We’re both artists, we both get dark, we battle demons, sometimes they’re each other.
Being artists also means we have a lot of the same friends, so I don’t really have anyone to talk with this about. If I did, it would totally cross some lines and involve people we know, half-professionally.
L.A.’s a beast. I haven’t been here long, we might have to...
On nothing stopping you.
About a year ago, I met a guy and immediately felt a connection and promptly began dating him. He was absolutely perfect for me and I was smitten. We’re still together today.
Recently, however, I’ve found that I’ve evolved into a completely different person over the past 12 months and he’s still the man I met a year ago. Our conversations bore me to tears and we no longer...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
why do you like drummers? They know how to fuck.
How can I stop defining myself by who I’m dating and instead find self worth through my career? You’re wrong twice, babe.
i wish there was a like button for your posts. some of them are pure genius. You see the little star at the end of every post with the words SHARE THIS next to it? Click that shit.
Journalism major and English...
1 tag
On intimacy and letting go.
Dear Coquette,
I’m a 25-year-old female in my first serious sexual relationship, after a “Welcome to Sex!” phase of one-night stands during which I hated myself, men and bodies. Since then I’ve learned to like what I’m able to share with him, and I “get it” a whole lot more, but now I’m stagnating and in danger of reviving old patterns. I’m so nostalgic for the enormous amounts of time and...
On long-winded ignorance.
Your recent advice given to the young man that expressed a sexual proclivity toward both men and women was just plain terrible. It was actually difficult to read. When you referenced the “bible banging bigots” didn’t it occur to you that your were being bigoted when you wrote it? Seriously?! I guess in the world you occupy where there are no such things as moral absolutes it...
On discovering your bisexuality.
Dear Coquette,
I just wanted to let this out. I was born and raised in a conservative Christian home. I attend a Christian school and most people here aren’t very open to any idea crossing a rigid gender binary.
I’m waist deep in sociology classes, and it has recently come to my attention that sexuality is fluid. Wow! Ok — some guys like guys AND girls. That explains me! But, Coquette, that’s...
On tyler the creator.
What do you think of OFWGKTA and tegan and sara’s comments on them?
I respect Sara’s visceral reaction to Tyler the Creator, and I totally agree with her point about the industry being a bunch of bandwagoners when it comes to acts like O.F.W.G.K.T.A., but where Sara takes issue with Tyler’s misogynistic and homophobic lyrics, I just shrug my shoulders.
A song with racist...
On the rules of attraction.
I just wanted to ask you to speak more on “on a girl code violation.” My best friend is a guy (I’m a gal) and he had a fling with another guy. After that ended, the two of us got involved, harmless fucking. It stopped and now the boyfriend is back in the picture and I’m the “other woman.” I lost both of them as friends, even the one I considered my best friend,...
2 tags
On more fun sized advice.
Dear Coquette,
What is a feminist? Someone who practices feminism.
Why do so many people call themselves feminists? Because most people find reductive labels comforting.
Why do some guys wear those shirts that say “This is what a feminist looks like”? Because there was no room left on their cars for another bumper sticker.
Do feminists have something against pornography? Fun? Sex? Dudes?...
On getting the joke.
My boyfriend and I were having a drunken heart-to-heart the other night where he explained a lot of the bullshit he’s gone through in past relationships. Suddenly he paused for a moment, then said, “By the way, this is just drunk talk, not Dear Coke Talk. This is shit I’m already working my way through, not excuses for why I’m going to douche out on you later.” I...
On getting over it already.
I broke up with my awful boyfriend two years ago after he cheated multiple times, told me i should be bulimic and eventually drove me into depression.
Despite this i am still obsessively thinking about him every day, probably because i haven’t been with anyone i care about since. I feel like a crazy person and would never want to be back there again but these memories and ‘what...
On professing.
I’m double majoring in english and education. My father wants me to have the education degree so I can work immediately out of college. I want to be an english professor. I don’t want to teach high school, middle school, or younger. Is there a second major you could recommend that I suggest to my dad so we can forget this education thing? Or do you think I should go along with the...
On a girl code violation.
Someone I considered a “friend” went behind my back and is now fucking/dating my ex (which is funny cause she said she hated him, he was ugly, and she would never ever get involved with him). True colors, right? How do you come back from that?
She’s a liar who felt the need to do your sloppy seconds, so the bitch obviously has issues. Don’t make them yours. She’s...
On losing your mom's religion.
Dear Coquette,
I’m having a few issues with my mother that I could use your input on. I’m currently 20 years old and I was raised in a very devout Catholic family. My only resentment about this upbringing is that I had to attend Catholic school. Other than that, I don’t feel that it was a bad way to grow up. However, over the last few years (and especially during the BS that was high school...
On unattractive insecurities.
Someone asked you “No one wants to be my boyfriend. Why?” and you said, “You’re probably not very attractive.” Ok, maybe, knowing your blog, I shouldn’t be surprised that this a rather heartless thing to say, tongue in cheek or no. Still, though, for some people, it’s really hard not to internalize that shit. I struggle every day with the fact that I...
1 tag
On fun sized advice.
Have any good Mother’s Day gift ideas? A Honey Cunt necklace from the Coquette Boutique. Duh.
Please eat a hamburger. Thank you. I’m about to go double double animal style on your ass.
Why do you use tanning beds? Aren’t you afraid of getting skin cancer? Don’t be such a pussy.
Is there a link that takes me to all the good music you post on Coke Talk? Yes, here or...
2 tags
On special snowflake disease.
Dear Coquette,
How do I deal with the realization that I have no special talents, nor am I as intelligent as I thought to be? I feel like I am not going to be able to accomplish anything I wanted to do in my life.
You’ll be fine. You’re just going through the withdrawal phase of a self-esteem addiction. It’s a natural part of your recovery from Special Snowflake Disease.
Let me guess: You’re...
On nothing really.
So I met this cute boy in one of my classes. After talking for a few weeks he finally asked for my number. I could tell he was really nervous, but I found it sweet so I gave it to him. He is younger than me but really nice and smart, not my typical type, but he makes me nervous. Anyways, last night he called me to meet up with him. We were both out with friends and we finally met up and went back...
On national catharsis.
So Osama’s dead and people are dancing in the streets. I’m relieved he’s dead but disgusted that so many people are acting like giddy barbarians about it. Thoughts?
Sorry, asshole. You don’t get to be both relieved and disgusted. This is one of those times where you can’t have it both ways.
Please do us all a favor and take your morally superior sense of disgust and...
2 tags
On fun sized advice.
Dear Coquette,
Does my wife have to reach orgasm every time we have sex? Nope, and guess what? Neither do you.
Is it OK to flirt when you’re married? It’s fine with me, but you might wanna ask your wife.
What do you think is the most important lesson in life? The next one.
I was talking with my friend about the death penalty the other day, and I found myself wondering what you might think...