September 2011
16 posts
1 tag
On a choice.
Dear Coquette,
I’m in a serious relationship with a man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life, but I’ve just been offered my dream job with an amazing team on the opposite side of the country. My boyfriend is in a good place at work, and it’d be unfair to ask him to uproot himself from the career he has worked so hard to build. In addition, he’s trying to reach a point where he can...
1 tag
On a loser.
Dear Coquette,
My boyfriend just went to jail. He had a court date and they took him into custody for not complying with his probation. His sentencing isn’t for another month and I’m going to do everything I can to be there. He knows I’m here for him, as does his family, and I already told him I’d wait, no matter how long it takes. I’ve been completely in love with him since I was a teen, but...
1 tag
On more fun sized advice.
do you even use the questions of other people or do you make them up yourself? I’ve never made up a single question.
what’s the protocol for behavior after sucking a guys dick then catching unmutual feelings? Swallow.
What would you recommend as the most graceful reaction to waking up to your friends having sex next to you? Join in.
Lennon or McCartney? Harrison.
Your thoughts...
On doing playboy.
What are your thoughts on Playboy? I am graduating this year from college and I am considering doing it. I was raised in a strict catholic family, but I’ve grown into a spiritual adult without religious affiliation. I’m curious to know your thoughts.
It’s Playboy. Honestly, who gives a shit anymore? Same to your lukewarm spirituality brewed from clichéd catholic upbringing. Get...
2 tags
On fun-sized advice.
Dear Coquette,
Why are you alive? What’s your reason? What do you worship? Human potential.
Who was your favorite character on Seinfeld? George.
Is being manipulative a good or a bad thing? Manipulation is value-neutral without context.
I’m 16, he’s 32. Legal where I live, but what are your thoughts? One day, when you’re an actual adult, you’ll look back and realize how creepy it was for...
On occupying wall street.
Coquette, I need to hear your take on the occupy wall street shit going on right now.
Please. It’s just a bunch of fuzzy-headed antiglobalization dorks loitering around lower Manhattan confusing their own vegan farts for a whiff of revolution.
Those ineffectual douchenozzles wouldn’t know how to jam culture if Robespierre’s ghost showed up at Goldman Sachs with a guillotine.
...
On woo girls.
Every time I “party”, I lose my voice. I currently sound like a 90 year old smoker after a ragin’ bachelorette weekend. Any tips so I don’t regularly show up to work sounding like I’ve been downing tequila shots all weekend?
If you’re the type of simple bitch who puts the word party in quotation marks, then you’re also the type who screams...
1 tag
On three phases of sex.
Dear Coquette,
I had sex for the first time the other night, and ever since, I’ve been down on myself. It’s gotten to the point where whenever I read, “Virgins are like unicorns these days” or some stuff like that, I get this cringe-y feeling in my stomach. I just feel depressed. How do I overcome this? I’m probably just being hormonal, huh?
Nope, it’s not hormones. What you’re experiencing...
On journalism class.
I wrote a paper on you in my journalism class. I got an A.
Fuck yeah. Email me a copy of that shit.
On a victim's responsibility.
I agree with everything you said and in regards to ‘On unburdening yourself’ and understand how monumentally hard on the soul that situation must be but I think it’s also important that OP should also understand that she has a responsibility to make sure that this slimy fuck is not still doing to others what he did to her.
Um, no. She does not have that responsibility. She is...
1 tag
On unburdening yourself.
Dear Coquette,
A family friend used to molest me for years. I never said anything to my mom as I was afraid she wouldn’t believe me. Three of my friends who didn’t know one another had reported he had touched them, at three completely different times. My mom called all three of them liars, and would still ship me over to Uncle Perv’s house for unsupervised sleepovers for the weekend. It makes me...
On doing wonders.
I’ve decided to get W.W.C.T.D tattooed on the inside of my wrist, and wholly believe it will do wonders in reinforcing the self-esteem, wisdom, and self-control your advice has helped me to find within myself.
I love you, and I won’t ever forget what you’ve done for me.
That sounds creepy. Sorry. You get me, though, I’m just all emotional and shit at the moment.
I love...
On fucking a congressman.
If a friend recently had debauched gay sex with a fairly unremarkable Republican congressman, would you advocate taking the high road and snickering at him in private or the low road and creating another “scandal” before election time?
That depends. Don’t fuck with a man because of his political party or his sexual orientation. That’s petty if not evil, and if you do it...
On the future.
What do you plan to do after the economic collapse?
I’ve always fancied myself as one of those fishnet and chain mail wearing hookers riding shotgun through a post-apocalyptic hellscape with some former Navy SEAL who looks like Dennis Hopper.
On trust issues.
I have trust issues with cell phones due to my parent’s divorce two years ago. Therefore, I am put to ease when my boyfriend allows me to check his text messages. Lately he hasn’t been letting me and it’s started bothering me. Can’t he just let me so that I don’t get eaten alive with anxiety?
Fuck no, and fuck you for thinking it’s okay to check your...
1 tag
On more fun sized advice.
I lost my virginity recently using a condom you sent with a cunt necklace from the coquette boutique. Thank you coketalk! You’re welcome. Stay classy.
I’m getting married soon too, and I would love to see what the vows you come up with are like. Could you post parts of them if the couple is cool with it? Sure thing. I posted the vows over at Coke Talk.
Please tell me you’re...