January 2012
15 posts
2 tags
On fun-sized advice.
Dear Coquette,
What’s wrong with wanting life to be like a movie? Wish-thinking is for children and idiots. Grow up.
I’ve accidentally fallen in love with a man who is the single parent of his 1-year-old son. This is not what I had planned out for myself. What do I do? Get used to life not going according to plan.
If she’s 26 and he’s 18, isn’t she too old for him? Or him too young for...
1 tag
On bedtime death panic.
Dear Coquette,
I’ve just recently come to the realization of my own mortality. In the time before I fall asleep, it absolutely terrifies me thinking not about how it will end, but that it ends, period. I know you’ve given this sort of advice before, but I can’t even get past this fear to the part where you realize, “This is it, enjoy it while it lasts.” I feel trapped by the inevitable, and I’ve...
1 tag
On letting it get to you.
Dear Coquette,
Going through bad break-ups, my roommate/co-worker/close friend and I slept together. This happened several months ago and it’s gotten messy. He was sad and wanted company so he said some things that sounded more intimate than they were, and I was sad and wanted company and believed him for awhile. It stopped abruptly, and we went back to being friends.
Over time, I developed...
On things you do not need.
My goal for this year is to break out of the cycle of keeping things I do not need. I find it very difficult to throw away my old clothes, childhood toys, old school work, and textbooks. I have come to terms in accepting that it is a problem. So far, I’ve made progress, but I’ve left aside a significant amount of items that still have sentimental value. Do you have any advice for a...
1 tag
On the evil stepmother.
Dear Coquette,
My dad left my mother for a difficult woman when I was 21. At first, I tried to make nice with the lady, which proved complicated, seeing as she repeatedly put down my father in front of me and the rest of his family. He allowed it and I decided that however painful it was to watch him shrink like that, it was his business, not mine.
One night, she got a bit drunk and began to...
2 tags
On fun-sized advice.
Dear Coquette,
What’s the difference between pride and dignity? Ego. How do you kill your ego without killing your self-confidence? Confidence doesn’t die with ego, only arrogance. Can I kill somebody’s ego for him? It’s getting in the way of efforts to maintain friendliness and decency between us. You can crush a man’s ego, but only he can kill it. How do I reason with someone who is both...
1 tag
On dating wealth and chasing dreams.
Dear Coquette,
I’m having trouble processing the immense wealth of my boyfriend’s family. A solidly middle class upbringing did not prepare me for casual offerings of first class flights to Hawaii and biweekly dates at Osteria Mozza. I love spending time with him and his family and appreciate their generosity, but I’m torn between attempting to be an Independent Woman and dying to see the inside...
1 tag
On three girls who don't get it.
Dear Coquette,
I started dating an older guy about four months ago. Even though I waited a while to sleep with him and tried to take it slow, he somehow Jedi mind-tricked me, and it turned into a casual sex relationship. Once I realized this, I was already addicted to the sex and couldn’t shake the habit. Like all women do, I eventually started to get attached. It seemed like things started...
On florida or italy.
I can continue to study for two more years in Florida and get my teaching license, or I can move to Italy with my dad and study something useless there. He offered to pay for my grad school so I can move back to the States after I graduate and then work towards my license. Part of me just wants to get my education over with, while the other wants to party in Europe. How do I prioritize in order to...
1 tag
On more fun-sized advice.
What’s purpose when there is no destination? Intrinsic.
What do you mean when saying love is not something that implies anything? Thanks. Not to speak for someone else’s mushroom trip, but I’m pretty sure it means that universal love is inherently unconditional, and the obligations and conditions normally associated with the concept of love aren’t actually a part of love,...
On how to do drugs.
I just did shrooms for the first time after 19 years of being completely sober, and because I channeled things I learned from you my life has been changed. Main realizations I feel like I always knew but were cemented: art is incredibly important, education should be the nation’s and every individual’s first priority, and love is not something that implies anything. Thank you.
...
2 tags
On fun-sized advice.
Dear Coquette,
How do you kill your ego? Separate it from your consciousness.
How do I find my calling? Look for purpose in what makes you happy.
I’m terrified of thinking about death. I can grasp it, yet can’t come to terms with it at the same time. What do I do? Ask yourself, are you dead yet? If the answer is no, quit whining.
How is a celebrity divorce considered “breaking news”? Do...
On need.
NEED advice. My fuck buddy is going to be in St. Barths at the same time as me, and I don’t want to see him there because I might like him so I want to deal with it at home, not on vacation. But since I’m probably going to end up handing out with him there now, how do I play it so he realizes I like him/gauge if he likes me too?
You do not NEED advice. You NEED a reality check. You...
On normal things people tell each other.
A really close friend of mine has asked me out multiple times and I’ve said no, in essence “friend-zoning” him. Tonight he just told me he masturbates to photos of me. He got offended when I told him that I felt a little violated and icky knowing that he peruses my Facebook albums with a hard-on. I told him I’d really rather be left in the dark and he’s acting like it...
2 tags
On greatness and killing your ego.
Dear Coquette,
How do I accept that I won’t ever be great or outstanding? I always thought I had talent, and maybe I’m not bad, but a great many people are far better. I can’t stop thinking this and it’s causing me great anxiety.
Kill your ego, because nothing you do will ever matter. That’s okay, though. It’s not just you. It’s all of us. It’s taken 100,000 years for our species to hump and...