How do you manage to exercise so much self-control when it comes to cocaine? Is there a regime you follow or something? I’m not trying to make it sound like a cocaine diet or anything, I just want to know what you do in order to keep the coke in control? Not use it a few days in a row, or what? Gimme some pointers. I’m new to the world of cocaine but I really want to be a part of it; I’m just unsure how to go about it, so it would be great if you could lay some wisdom on me.

Is there a regime I follow? A cocaine diet? You want me to get all tips-and-tricks up in this bitch? Hilarious. I guess I should just embrace the fact that I’ve become the Marie Claire for deviants. Here are some fucking pointers:

1. Never party with it by yourself.
2. Never party with it on the job.
3. Never party with it on camera.
4. Never party with it around people you don’t trust.
5. Never party with it for more than three days in a row.
6. Never party with it on more than three occasions per month.

Also, as a general rule, whenever you’re in a party environment, give yourself a regular hip check by asking the following question: “If the drugs weren’t here right now, would I still want to be in this room?”

The second you find yourself answering no, get the fuck out.