Dear Coquette,

Do you feel there’s any question in the world that can’t be answered?
Of course. Some of the deepest and most profound questions can’t possibly be answered at our current stage of evolution. Anyone who says otherwise is peddling a religion.

 
Can you have adventure while maintaining stability? Is it just a state of mind?
Stability is an illusion. Adventure just reminds you. 

Why can’t I stay happy for more than a few weeks in the same place?
Because you mistake novelty for happiness.

 
Why do I feel guilty when I masturbate?
Because you’re ashamed of your sexuality. 

Is it strange for a straight girl to like feminine men?
Who cares if it’s strange? Like what you like. 

I think way too much about everything and it makes me really unhappy and paralyzed sometimes. Does that make sense to you — and what do I do/not do about it?
Yes, it’s called being human, and don’t worry, just keep breathing. 

I’m getting the feeling that graduate school in the humanities is a Ponzi scheme.
I dunno, maybe you should ask your friends in business school. 

Does it matter which college you go to?
Nope. No one cares where you go to college. 

Hey. Since we’re all getting rejected from our dream colleges this time of year, any advice on moving on?
Yeah. No one cares where you go to college. 

I just got into the college of my dreams! Any advice on college, the rest of my life, how to wear blue and orange with pride?
Congratulations. No one cares where you go to college. 

In college. Final exams. Need perspective. Help.
Perspective? OK. Take a deep breath and realize that you’ll be dead by 2080. 

Do I suck it up and stay at a job where my boss yells, throws temper tantrums and breaks things? Or should I quit and crawl back into my parents’ house?
Which is a greater insult to your dignity? (I’ll give you a hint. It’s more dignified to tolerate childish behavior than it is to remain a child.) 

Where do you get your biting sense of humor, your mom or your dad?
I got integrity from my mom and guile from my dad. The sense of humor is all mine.