Dear Coquette,

What’s the difference between pride and dignity?
Ego.


How do you kill your ego without killing your self-confidence?
Confidence doesn’t die with ego, only arrogance.


Can I kill somebody’s ego for him? It’s getting in the way of efforts to maintain friendliness and decency between us.
You can crush a man’s ego, but only he can kill it.


How do I reason with someone who is both dumb and mean?
With patience and small words.
 

How do you know if it’s justice that’s motivating you, not revenge?
If it’s motivating you, it’s revenge.


Do you suffer from post-party psychospiritual confusion? How do you deal with it? I’m very vulnerable to it, and wish I could just be rid of it entirely.
Don’t confuse an emotional hangover for an existential crisis.


Is my ex’s new girlfriend still a rebound if they get engaged?
Nope, she wasn’t his rebound. You were his prebound.


After getting out of a relationship, why does everyone seem so unappealing?
Puppet shows are no fun when all you can see are the strings.


Is it foolish to not care about money?
It depends on whether you have any.


Are you a bitterly wise older women or just an ordinary gay man?
Are you implying that gay men are ordinarily bitter or that younger women can’t be wise?


Now what do I do? My kids are away at school, I just turned 46, husband travels 50 percent of the time, and I can’t seem to get a job.
If you don’t need the income, volunteer. Otherwise, try temping. Don’t give up.


How do I build confidence and become emotionally self-sufficient?
It’s simple. First, find beauty in yourself. Then, don’t seek external validation for that beauty.


What is the difference between having high standards and having unreasonable expectations?
Expectations will disappoint you if they’re not met, and they will never be met if they’re unreasonable. High standards don’t come with built-in disappointment, only the rare pleasure experienced if they are finally reached.