I’m throwing a bikini wrestling jell-o pool party in my basement after a concert next weekend. Some bra-burning bitch just left the following comment on the wall of the facebook event page: “simone be beauvoir rolling in her grave.” Give me a comeback. I’m a girl, by the way.

Reply with this:

“Oh, please. Simone de Beauvoir practically invented bikini jello wrestling. She and Sartre used to argue constantly over whether orange jello or lemon jello best represented the existential feminist aesthetic. By the way, nobody’s impressed with your summer reading list, you pretentious cunt.”