I just turned 18. However, I still find myself watching Hannah Montanna, Spongebob, iCarly, and more shows like that. Should I be ashamed?

I’m sorry, sweetie, but it’s time to change the channel.

The artistic merits of Spongebob could be argued, but there is absolutely no excuse for shit like Hannah Montana or iCarly.

That garbage is for little kids. Not the smart ones, either. It’s the worst kind of artificially sweetened bubblegum babble with no nutritional value whatsoever, and quite frankly, it does legitimate harm by adding to your naiveté.

The Disney Channel and its products promote a certain kind of witless credulity which some consider acceptable in the mind of a child, but you’re a big girl now, and that shit is downright poisonous to the mind of an adult.

Nostalgia is no excuse. You can’t even get away with watching that stuff ironically. I’m not saying your Netflix queue has to read like a Sundance festival schedule, but you can’t live on the pop cultural equivalent of Twinkies and Chef Boyardee. It’s time to start refining your palette.

Start off with something simple like Glee. Ease your way into NBC’s Thursday night line-up. Work your way up to Modern Family and Mad Men, and eventually, you’ll be watching Weeds and Californication like a regular grown-up.

I suppose it’s probably too much to ask, but while you’re at it, feel free to pick up a book every now and then.